November 19, 2013

Anger Management

This has been spoken about on the blog previously.  It’s an old evil.  But what can I do to get a grip? I cannot punch the wall Or do push ups to save my life Writing is not satisfying enough And chocolate doesn’t help So I tried something new… Stepped out of the office, power walked in the Sun for 40 minutes with really loud music playing in my ear. I’ve returned sweaty, not smelling so nice and colleagues are volunteering to take me home to change before the press conference this afternoon.  I feel calmer, but not completely myself.  Fuck this shit. 

November 3, 2013

Never Whole

Now he left a in hole in my heart A hole in a promise A hole on the side of my bed A hole that will never fill itself A sad, deep black hole A hole that I cannot mend Now we’ve got holes in our hearts, yeah we’ve got holes in our lives Where we’ve got holes, we’ve got holes but we carry on…

June 22, 2013

Day 22# Soapbox Saga

In all honesty – I believe that when one is given a free ticket to rant, giving it up would be complete stupidity.  *Clears throat* I could have used this opportunity to speak about the rubbish economic situation of West Bengal, or even how I feel very strongly about people who refuse to ban shark fin soup, or take it a step forward and share my thoughts on how so many countries are so lax about recycling.  But I’m going to go selfish on this one and write about something that I face frequently, in dealing with people in today’s world – relationships for convenience. Diseased by thinking from the…

February 29, 2012

In My Own Kind of Hell

I’m in my own kind of hell. I’m so afraid, I don’t even blink. I’m tired of waiting for the right moment, the right person, the right opportunity. I’m astonished at the magnitude of wrongness that is pulled off. Quietly. I’m confused and disillusioned. I’m worried. I’m sick of feeling lousy. I’m angry all the times. Not always without reason. I’m exhausted trying to explain the plans to myself. I’m in pain.

December 30, 2011

Do you concur?

In a multitude of situations I find myself bewildered by the subject of intellect. Sometimes combined with intelligence and plain taste. On innumerable instances I’m duped by my own inability to judge and refrain from keeping the company of those who clearly do not deserve it. Not to say that they are less intelligent or of a lower intellect – my opinion is just that they are on a different tangent. I inevitably land onto curves which I should most definitely stay away from, a disease which I succumb to rather frequently. Lamenting and regret often follow but to no constuctive end. One of my greatest fears is to be…

November 29, 2011

Despise

This is for all those people who go through life wrapped up in their little selfish worlds. Those who derive pleasures by wishing ill for others. Those who treat people badly knowing that they would not retort. Those who haven’t been blessed enough to be able to give with open hearts. Those who hurt consciously. I don’t know if I believe in karma, but what I do know is that there is something watching over all that is good. It has been long that I have been observing silently and what I know is that I have enough strength to strangle anything or anyone who tries to hurt what is dearest to me. Game on,…

May 24, 2011

Cowardice

I fear I am becoming faint-hearted. I find myself becoming increasingly affected by my surroundings, to the effect that I no longer feel happy. I am forced to drag myself around unwillingly, to work, around people, other places every single day. Change has always been something I have been terrified of. It scares me to even imagine uprooting myself from the current proximity, letting go of the few who I truly care for, thinking that I would never have this again. In this process, I am suffocating myself. I am binding myself to an environment which no longer holds anything positive for me – there is no trust, no laughter,…

May 9, 2011

Stupid

I am in all honesty, one of the most stupid people who exist on planet earth. I believe in people and trust them to levels wherein they can hurt me deeply.I refuse to lose hope, until all energy is drained out of me.I refuse to confront, and it is understood as I am incapable of a retort.I cannot ‘draw a line’ between frienship and professionalismNot matter how much I try, I cannot talk less.I am always open to be taken advantage of, time and again without any learnings. If I could only wake up one morning, strong and brave and unaffected by the trivia called people who I have given…

February 10, 2011

Jolt!

A jolt is all you need. A significant push, an apple falling on the head, a sudden revelation, a kick in the nuts to shake you out of the comfortable universe you live in. These shoves come in various forms, intensities and sometimes, when you expect it the least. Some of them will shake you to the core and leave you in a daze, others might bore a hole through your heart and some others will just leave you older and wiser. In a way, all of these are good. It demonstrates that nothing ever is constant and those who like stability must just settle for a different planet. Just…

December 30, 2010

( ng g r)

Anger is the point where all sense stops. Have heard of the experience from several people; when angry, most of the things done or said are regretted either immediately or later. But that doesn’t stop people from being angry, for others to be responsible for causing that anger, or at times to egg on the cause. The management of the said anger is the key. How does one control or divert the anger? Should it be diverted at all? Is it not better to get it out of the system permanently? Just the other day I was having this hour long conversation with a friend on how anger could be…