September 23, 2010

Fleeting

Happiness is fleeting.

As is any other feeling.

Sometimes it feels like that the choices we make are the most difficult things we do. To be able to understand why we subject ourselves to the T junction at all is what I contemplate. Why cannot it be, that we find a solution wherein we do not have to sacrifice what we want as well as what is expected of us.

It is breathtaking what one will do to ensure that they are perceived well by their fellows. It is important to ‘adjust’, to ‘fit in’, to do something in the lines of what is established as a standard practice. Why is it not possible to divert, to do something completely fresh, which one cannot dream of doing ever, and surprise everybody around you. It might lead to several frowns and raised eyebrows, but when have you ever been able to do something which has made everybody around you happy! One or more parties always suffer, and in this case I know, for quite a while, it has been only me.

The feeling of helplessness, however, is not fleeting.

Movies which are heavily acclaimed for their power to inspire, have always brimmed around that realm. Do it ‘different’. But is there a way to? How can one be ‘different’ with that many eyes on them constantly, that load of expectations from people who actually matter. Is it really that easy to give up? Does it not bear heavy on the conscience to surrender and always feel like that soldier who did not volunteer. It’s a throbbing pain and it never would go away, and how can it ever make one feel better to be labeled ‘weak’ by oneself. It is the ultimate allegation. And an inescapable one.

I wish strength was not fleeting.

I have always been taught that life gets better once you’re struggled it out. Once you’ve walked over the brambles, and surfed over the angry seas, what more can await you? Evidently, there’s more. Much more. It feels almost impossible, at this point to hit a high in life, and let everything loose and mutter profanities at things which don’t go your way. It is inconceivable that there would be happier days, unless you let go of something.

Sunshine, where art thou?

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