It is not everyday that I get shocked by certain things which happen to me. Not anymore at least.
But today I was. Unpleasantly.
It is no surprise why people say that privacy should be maintained. Somehow it happens to me that I stumble across things which were never meant for my ears or eyes and I spend time in retrospect of what I had done to deserve this.
All these days I had spent thinking that I had maybe found something special, something real which was here to stay, some relationships which I could invest into without having to think twice. Probably made the mistake of presuming that I was the luckiest; better off than several others around me.
The state of mind is almost claustrophobic. On one end I have an artificial setting, where I am bound to behave in a particular manner to preserve the equilibrium which has been carefully established over the past ten months; on the other end, a bunch of people who I actually like, without an ulterior motive. I was under the impression that I could manage to be happy with the one end and the few whom I could be with unconditionally.
Evidently I was wrong.
The underlying reasons behind saying things differ from one person to another, and a few words said casually could ruin another’s mental being.
I wonder how many trysts it will require to hone my ability of judgement and to not fall prey to all the fake affection and be blissfully unaffected by anything around me. I know people who have achieved this, and although I don’t know whether deep down, it bothers them but at least superficially it is hidden at the outset.
I had resolved to stop shedding tears over people and things they say, but today was one of those days where me and my trust stands shaken thoroughly, beyond repair.
when at the end of it all,
He finally gave us minds
i'm sure i saw him wink
it was the greatest gift
and a dagger in disguise
He had made us think
Hope is a good things, in fact the best of things and no good thing dies.
You've got to remember Andy Duffren. This too shall pass.
@ Naween Bhaiya: True to the core. Sometimes it feels it would be so much better, if we could just switch off our minds.
@ Ronjon: You sure? It feels like the world stalks one with a dagger to murder all things which are good. But I do believe that this too shall pass…